Thoughts

I  was given the day off work today as I was not needed, so I lit the kiln this morning.
It is sunny but cold. My hands are aching. Sitting here watching the wood burn and entertaining the dogs, enjoying the smoke, heat and sunshine.
I have been under the weather lately. I think it has been building up but came to a head a few weeks ago.
I have been getting pains in my limbs and joints. My hands are stiff and swollen, I feel disconnected from my body, weak. This is frustrating to say the least. I consider myself a bit of an Amazonian, I can lift heavy sacks and do a days manual labour not a problem. I work as a waitress, so I cart trays of cutlery all day, running around like a blue arse fly trying to meet everyones needs and get things done, with a smile of course. I usually enjoy, (if that is the right word), the hard work, it gives me a buzz in its own little way, knowing a job well done. But now my shoulders are on fire lifting trays, and my hands ache sweeping the floors, I feel like I am going to walk into things and forget peoples orders.
I have been to the doctor, got the bloods done. No inflammation came up, but that doesn't mean anything. Have to go to a rheumatologist of all things as they expect arthritis. I also requested a limes test, the results have not come through yet.
I am tired, I ache, my mind is a fog, and I am low. As an artist it is difficult; as I said my hands don't work properly, making holding a pencil uncomfortable, I can't concentrate on new work very well, or I am to tired to make anything and honestly I am surprised I have gotten this much written.
I will be interested to see what the outcome is.